New Year’s Resolutions Are Meant to Be Broken

That’s Why They’ve Invented White-Out and the Backspace Key

The good thing about New Year’s Resolutions are they’re meant to be broken, which is why they invented White Out years ago and put the backspace key on keyboards. I have my resolution list on my computer now and on the first day of each New Year, I retrieve it, backspace, change the date, and I’m good to go.

The list hasn’t changed much over the past ten years, lose weight, exercise, eat healthy, finish novel and stop procrastinating. But this year, I put “STOP PROCRASTINATING’ on the top of my list, in big bold capital letters. I chose the biggest font that would fit on the page and centered it.

It looked impressive. It looked serious. It looked like I meant business.

This would be the year that I actually made all of my writing deadlines, in fact, I’d submit them, darn it, early! This year, I’d plow through those tedious duties that never make it up to the top of my stagnant to-do list. I’d return library books on time. I’d get gas in my car long before my tank screamed empty. I’d empty the link trap on my dryer and I’d fold that laundry as soon as the timer went off. I’d even scoop every poop of the cats’ litter box before they resorted to doing their business behind the old furnace.

I’d turn a corner. I’d show them that you can teach an old cat new tricks.

But less than 24 hours into the new Karen Ellery Jones, woman of action, failed. I’d broken the most important resolution of 2011 hours after I moved it to the top of the list.

I engaged in the delightful act of procrastination and missed my first writing deadline.

Somewhere along the way, when I should have been finishing my article, I got lost in cyberspace. And I didn’t have a GPS. One link went to another site, then another and before you knew it, I had footsteps all over the web, from Twitter to Face book to NPR, to Blue Mass Group to Cooking Light to a red head trivia and support site, (I had no idea that red heads have 90,000 hairs on their head and these ginger strands don’t gray they go from sandy color right to white) eventually landing up on, where else www.procrastination.com .

Naturally, I felt like at home while reading about other procrastinators. Saw that even the professional procrastinator, well, procrastinates because the last update was several months ago.

But after procrastinating for the past month, I’ve decided that I won’t close up my New Year’s Resolutions file because I’ve got more interesting things to do, like reading up on red heads.